Monday, July 31, 2017

Being Present: Remembering and Reflecting While Simultaneously Being Lost In The Moment. Do it.

"Forever is composed of nows." – Emily Dickinson
A reflection rather than a rant:

Written in a time and a place long ago, and nearly forgotten.

But, tis better to remember the sentiment of reflection and being present, even in the slippery, dark corners of new motherhood. So...

There is a benefit to reflecting, however, it is only to a certain extent. So long as your reflection is for the purpose of thinking positively about a person and then to pass on those positive vibes into the universe, or to assess the lessons learned from the past experience in order to make better choices in the future, then reflecting is merited. However, ruminating on the past does no one good and can leave you left standing, staring at a door that has already closed while your life begins to pass you by.
Buddha once said, "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."
I have always had issues with this...living life looking back at the good times and aching for them, while also thinking hard on the better times that I imagine lay just around the corner. But what about now? Well...let me reflect on now. Right now.
I feel good today. I have no aches or pains. I am not tired. My brain is functioning at a fairly normal speed.
I am in a window office for a change (self chosen due to the fact that I have a dreaded all-day web cam conference starting in about an hour). I get to look outside all day and, what do you know, I see blue skies (for the most part).
I get to go to lunch early today! Yay!
The IT guy got my webcam to work for me and it only took 10 minutes. I was expecting much less. Saves me a ton of hassle.
I received my 0% APR credit card on to which I plan on transferring another balance with a very high interest rate and hopefully aiding me to pay off the remaining credit card debt I owe.
I don't have to pay for lunch today courtesy of my company and due to the fact that I have to sit through an all day web cam conference.
This keyboard is super easy to type on.



Now these are the thoughts that I could've had just now...
I'm stuck in an office at a desk having to do an all day web cam conference.
This conference is stupid because it's a team building conference in which I was only invited to attend via webcam. How are we actually supposed to build team rapport through a virtual meeting? Stupid.
I still haven't gotten my casino costume for our christmas party this Friday and I won't have time because my birthday is tomorrow and that means no time to go run errands.
I hate this job. It's not what I went to school for and I feel with each passing day I am so far from where I was two years ago when I worked as a teacher. How am I going to ever get a teaching job again if my skills are left to deteriorate???
I miss my family and friends back home.
It's cold outside. Even though I see blue, it's actually pretty cold.
I hate cold weather.
I wish I could move to Italy.
Or Hawaii.



So you see, being present in the moment and reflecting on what it is we do have is essential to a sense of appreciation and to overall well-being. Do you see how my negative thoughts were created by either missing something I used to have or by expecting something that I want in the future? I hate the cold because I miss the Texas weather. If I were present in the moment of NOW I could turn that around and think, I appreciate the cold because I'm getting to enjoy actual seasons! This is a real winter!

It's a struggle, and I think it is human nature to be in a constant state of limbo between wanting those things of the past and yearning for a better future. We have to work on becoming awake in the now because, as cliche as it might sound, that is really all we have. A more positive world and society is made by looking at today and thinking about what we can do to make something of it.

Saturday, July 29, 2017

The Silver Lining of Minor Catastrophes


The Silver Lining of Minor Catastrophes

I’ve noticed a funny thing about myself.  I don’t particularly enjoy the stress of unplanned disasters. Who, besides Satan, and maybe God on a real sneaky day, would relish in the unwanted loss, emotional turmoil and stress of catastrophic events?

Not me. Not you, I would presume.

But, I have noticed that recently I’ve become more welcoming of life’s little disasters - the wrong turn into the seedy part of a town on vacation in Mexico, the accidental purchase of train tickets to the wrong destination, the inadvertent misspeak in a foreign language communicating something you clearly do not mean to say, the tripping and falling while walking down the aisle at your best friend’s wedding- these are all things you spend hours, days, even weeks preparing not to have happen. And yet some of my most beloved memories, and by far greatest stories, have been the result of these minor disasters.

Here’s an example:
(Cue dream-like harp sounds indicating an intro to a distant memory)

My friend Jenna and I decided to go on a girl’s vacation to Maui one summer. We were at a time in our lives where we were all about “traveling where the road takes us” and “flying by the seat of our pants”. Perhaps it was because 30 was looming closer and closer and we desperately wanted to recapture the freedom of our youth. It could’ve also been because we were easily swayed by the research we had done on various expeditions to Maui, one of which, “Traveling the Hana Highway”, was very adamant about not over planning anything and “enjoying the journey”.

Jenna and myself on our first day in Maui


With that mantra in mind we set out, purposefully bringing as little as we could and throwing caution, and our map, to the wind. (We actually couldn’t bring ourselves to throw the map out – as “free and wild” as we were, it still induced a sense of panic thinking about going completely map-less). We were mostly relying on our little Hana Highway article I had found in some magazine.


It listed the different mile markers and things you can find at each one. And, again, it stressed that the mile markers were all just a suggestion and that really, each person is destined to their own journey and shouldn’t try to take too much control over where the adventure takes you.  Somewhere along the route we managed to overlook that the Hana Highway didn’t begin until we got on Route 360 and that is where the suggested mile marker destinations were. So, as we traveled on the road that was NOT the actual Hana Highway we began looking for the different points of interest that were supposed to be at each mile marker. Each one that we passed did not seem to live up to its description. The entrance to the beautiful Twin Falls waterfall just past mile marker 2 looked more like a private driveway. It was, in fact. And there was no cute little fruit stand like they kept mentioning. Maybe it closed? Next stop looked like a dead end and, yes, it ended up being just that.

Onward!


What the heck, we kept thinking.
This Hana Highway is bullshit.
They seriously need to work on their park system. This guide book needs an update as well.

We decided to forgo the other little stops and just make it to the famous Black Sand Beach which was a State Park so it should be pretty easy to access and nice. We get to the mile marker of the Black Sand Beach, just past mile 32, and see one other car parked in what looks like a ditch off the side of a dirt road. The description read that parking is limited so this made sense, we guessed. The guide book then says to walk down a path and you would eventually get to the beach but you’d have a bit of a hike.

Ok! We thought. On with the journey.

Our rental, Sexy Flexy

Actual Black Sand Beach


Armed with backpacks filled with towels, sunscreen, water and dressed in little else than our beach bikinis (we are in Maui, duh!) we head down the dirt road in the direction of the beach that we see way off in the distance.

I’d like to add here that Maui is, in fact, an island. Shocking, I know. So, if you are in an elevated area of the island it’s very easy to see lots of blue and it often looks like it is just a hop, skip and jump away.

This is not so.
It is an optical illusion, kind of like a mirage in the desert.
Just something to keep in mind…

As we walk along the path to the beach (it’s actually a dirt road) we see all sorts of trash and gross stuff along the way. Clearly they do not keep up with their state parks here! There is this black, plastic tarp looking stuff on the road and on either side all we see is tall grass and junk. We pass by an old junky car that has been dumped in the tall grass. We see old rusty cans peeking out of the mass of green. But it looks like the beach is not too far…seriously, we are almost there.

So we keep walking.

We suddenly hear a truck come barreling down the road. Hey! They’re going to the beach too! This gives us the reassurance that we are not crazy people so we continue one. The truck heads down the road so far that it becomes out of sight. About 30 minutes later (yes, by this time we had been walking for about an hour and a half) the truck comes zooming up the path towards us then passes right by, giving us kind of a weird, creepy look. Suddenly things start to become weird. Did they literally just stay for only 20 minutes at the beach? Why didn’t they look happier? Why were they looking at us so oddly? And why isn’t anyone else hiking in their bathing suits down to the famous Black Sand Beach?

All these whys eventually led us to conclude that maybe this was not going to take us to a Black Sand Beach and even if it did, we had been hiking way too long already and couldn’t waste any more time. Plus, the whole ambiance of this “State Park” felt so icky. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it felt like someone may have been murdered there or that gross things inhabited this place. So we turned around and hiked the hour and a half back to the car.

We felt so defeated. We did not feel free and liberated by our journey. And we had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps our guide book was wrong. We decided to go a little bit further before giving up completely. Suddenly we were making a turn on to another road, one actually called the Hana Highway, and the mile markers started back over at 0. Lightbulbs started going off, but it wasn’t until we reached Mile Marker 2 and then saw a cute little fruit stand and a huge sign saying “Twin Falls” that it all made sense. And it wasn’t one of those times where it all makes sense and you are so relieved, like “Phew! I’m so glad it all makes perfect sense now!” Nope. Not that kind of feeling. If we weren’t hiking to the black sand beach back there for 3 hours, where were we hiking? We parked the car and started to piece things together. Through a bit of investigation and asking a few locals at the fruit stand, we discovered that we had actually spent the great majority of our day there in Maui trekking through the landfill. Which explains the trash, the tarp, the dirt road, the truck (dropping off its load of trash!) and the lack of anything beach-like, plus the general feeling of ickiness. How silly we felt, knowing now what we must have looked like hiking in our bikinis through a landfill.



We finally got to that Black Sand Beach, but not in the same day. We returned back to our hotel and started out the very next day on our carefree and blissful Hana Highway journey, armed with a bit more knowledge this time and a GREAT story to tell. Clearly we have no sense of shame or embarrassment and, though I was pissed at the time, having lost a whole day of sightseeing and beach going, in retrospect it is the funniest memory and we laugh so hard we nearly pee our pants every time we talk about that day.


So, as you can see, minor disasters such as accidentally spending a whole day trekking through a landfill while on vacation in Maui, can be a good thing in that you will have a great story to tell and it will put a smile on your face, and maybe even give you a little chuckle, every time you think back on it.

Me, laughing at our stupidity...


Thursday, August 1, 2013

Day Two:

Day 2- A happy girl

Happy Girl- Andrea Hempel

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Day One:

Day 1- A normal girl

Normal Girl- Andrea Hempel
 I'm not sure what the definition of normal is. For me it's many things so this one could have technically fit in any number of descriptions. But to me, this seems normal in that it is just pensive. And that's my normal resting state. I'm always so very pensive, sometimes it becomes a burden. But most often it makes me a more observant, compassionate, thoughtful human being.

Monday, July 29, 2013

New Challenge!

Challenge Accepted!

I've decided to continue with my streak of blogging productivity. I perused the internet and found this lovely blogging gal and her witty and resourceful listings. One of them included a 30 day challenge which was very similar to the one I just completed. Another one was slightly different, but more geared towards photographic blogs. Then I stumbled on one that felt unique. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to tackle this one, but it got me more excited than the others so I figured what the heck. I like to draw. And I usually draw girls.


Drawing Girl Challenge:


1- A normal girl
2- A happy girl
3- A sad girl
4- A clown girl
5- A cave girl
6- A cloud girl
7- A fancy girl
8- A horse-jockey girl
9- A winter girl
10- A summer girl
11- A geisha girl
12- A warrior girl
13- A war girl
14- A superhero girl
15- A fairy girl
16- A cotton candy girl
17- A rose girl
18- A sexy girl
19- A coffee girl
20- A ghost girl
21- Cheerleader girl
22- A photographer girl
23- A 20’s girl
24- A 50’s girl
25- A 80’s girl
26- A hippie girl
27- A cutesy girl
28- A punk rocker girl
29- A mummy girl
30- A girl holding a banner say “IM DONE!!!"


Wish me luck!


Day Thirty:

Day 30: A picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge!

5 Good Things From This Challenge:

1. I have (kind of) been more regular with posting to my blog. The point was to become regular about writing on a blog, to set aside time to do it, and the prompts were to give something that was easy to write about. And, I think it did just that. When I look at how many entries I had before starting the challenge, as opposed to after, it's pretty clear that it helped me. Did I actually do it in 30 consecutive days? No. Not even close. Something to work on!

2. I learned about posting quick photos to blog posts and that it makes it more interesting to read when there are pictures attached. 

3. I have gotten more creative with my pictures since learning that the pictures are worth 1000 words and good pictures are worth even more than that!

4. I have discovered new and interesting things about my city since trying to write about it. It has led me on adventures and trying to see my new city through a new lens. 

5. Writing, I have found, is therapeutic. I am ready to accept a far more intimate challenge next. Perhaps this quest will lead me to start writing without a challenge having to be put in place! (New Goals)

Me, today




 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Day Twenty-Nine:

Day 29: 3 Wishes

This might just be indicative of my mood but here are my 3 wishes (assuming the genie were to ask me today, right now, this very minute...)

1. To Be Confident
(To be confident in my decisions, to be confident doing things that scare me, to be confident in how I speak, in my actions, in my looks and in my relationships).

2. To Be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY Good (like PHENOMENAL) at One Thing (and pretty good at a lot of other things)
 (That thing could be any of the following, which are interests of mine but which, woefully, I am not PHENOMENAL: writing, gardening, teaching, photography, drawing, painting, bicycling, dancing, playing piano, playing guitar, singing, giving motivational speeches, training dogs, creating websites, baking, cooking, running, crafting, scrapbooking, doing hair and, finally, acting). 

3. To Be Able to Go To A Place After Departure from the Earth.
(I really want to see my loved ones again...)