Probably the saddest thing I've ever heard...

Today there was another school shooting.


I’m sure everyone will be talking about this story for quite some time and there will be ideas and emotions circulating around the world wide news and blogosphere for days and weeks to come… but I do feel the need to just write and get all these feelings off my chest. Since there is no one in the office today and my husband is on a flight, I have this as a means of digesting this horrible information.

I taught Kindergarten for two years at a public school in Houston. It was one of the best times of my life and a career I cannot wait to go back to. Every day those kiddos taught me to experience the world with a fresh outlook, with wonderment, with excitement, with joy. If I was having a bad day, it inevitably was put into a different perspective the minute that group of 5 year olds walked through the door. They had the power to uplift me because they were so untainted by the vicious world we live in. They were still blessed to be in this wonderful bubble of childhood and they exuded so much hope, just by being so young and new to life. Possibilities abounded. I loved sitting in front of them and starting our day with a story or a song. I loved the hilarious comments or questions I would get, and the seriousness in which they asked these hilarious questions. I have a journal full of funny quotes and comments made by my 5 year olds that helped entertain me and provided me with so much joy.

These were my 5-year-old kids. This was my class. I don't have children of my own, but for those 8 hours out of the day, Monday through Friday, these were my babies. I cannot even begin to imagine something happening to them like what happened at the shooting in Connecticut earlier today. It makes me feel like crying out. It makes me sick to my stomach.

It also makes me consider, if I feel this way imagining the kids in my classroom - whom I loved dearly, but who also went home each night to their own family- I cannot even begin to fathom the pain and suffering a parent would feel about their own precious baby in this situation. It’s unthinkable. Such innocence, such joy, being extinguished and for no apparent reason other than one person’s own selfish motive. Whether it was brought on by mental illness or neglect or abuse, no matter. It’s a tragic and unnecessary loss of life- precious, untainted, hopeful life. Where once stood a peaceful, non-violent, hope-filled community, now stands a town filled with terror, with sorrow, hope extinguished. An open wound in our nation. A gaping hole in our hearts.

Thus the inevitable cycle continues. One man who may have felt tormented his whole life growing up, whether tormented by his own mind or by his treatment by others, now inflicts a new torment on those he terrorized this day. How do you think they are going to deal with this for the rest of their lives, those that survived? Do you think an elementary school child -one whose mind is so fresh, and new, and impressionable- do you think they are going to come out of this experience the same? They’ve entered into this vicious world, the world we try to shield them from for as long as possible. The veil has been lifted unnecessarily too soon and the little beacon of hope, that little light of innocence has disappeared.

How can our society move forward towards a better future when this cycle is spinning out of control? At some point we have to break the cycle and create a new one –a circle of positivity and of hope and of paying it forward and of treating our neighbors with kindness and fairness. Once we start a new cycle we can’t be doomed to repeat time and time again the same mistakes because we’ve left that circle of terror and hatred and revenge and we’ve progressed towards something better.

I know I sound like an ever hopeful, flower-power, all-we-need-is-love hippie dippy type, but it really is that cliché and simple. It takes all of us, but it starts with just one of us. Just do good and be right and help when help is needed and give kindness and forgiveness when it is needed. This shooter, like many before him, gave warning signs, albeit perhaps not the most obvious of warning signs. This shooter grew up, apparently, different from the rest. Ostracized, by his own fault or by the neglect of others. This, still, is no excuse for what has happened and what is going on in our country. This situation seems like one that may have been difficult, if not impossible, to prevent. But, we have to consider everything we can do to try and prevent this because this, a devestating fourth mass shooting in one year, a massacre inflicted upon the most innconcent and defenseless among us, our women and children in schools...this is intolerable. We have to think about what has led to this and how we can step out of this awful cycle. What could we have done differently? Someone had to have seen that things were not right. Where does a person go to report harmless suspicions that I'm sure these warning signs appeared to be? How does one respect the rights of the individual, while also protecting our families and loved ones from those individuals who happen to snap one day.

 I'm sure we'll begin to learn more about the details of this situation leading up to this incident, and as we do, I hope we begin to take notes on cause and effect.

What is happening to these people to create this kind of reaction to life?

Obviously there are many things to discuss…gun control being one of them. (Something that NO ONE seems to want to deal with but, seriously…let’s put politics aside and DO something. That doesn't necessarily mean taking away everyone's second amendment right to guns, but it can have something to do with making it more difficult to purchase a gun. We jump through hoops to fly now-a-days, but everyone is okay with it if it keeps us safer- why should it be different for the purchasing of guns?)

Another issue is how we value life. How we respect life and the lives of others. Not just in our neighborhoods and cities and states, and not just within the US, but the lives of every human on this earth. We come from a culture that turns a blind eye to the violence that we inflict upon other nations. Children have died at the hands of our military in the name of freedom or democracy. Is it any surprise that we have created a culture where we do this to our own?

I know I don’t have a great platform from which to propose the solutions, and my voice is just one little voice amongst millions, but I’d like to know that I’ve at least put these thoughts and ideas into the universe in the hopes that someone, somewhere can take these ideas to heart.

My own heart aches for these people. I think we all feel that pain, in some form or another, and we all feel so desperate to try and help. We are a problem solving people and this -this awful tragedy that seems to have no motive and no reason, just a senseless act of pure rage and violence- this goes beyond our ability to comprehend and to rationalize. We have no way of seeking justice, no way of seeking revenge, no way of finding glory or honor or purpose to their death, just mournful, tearful, heartbreaking loss. Deep, deep, pit of your soul loss. These are angels and their death cannot be in vain. We have to take this as a last straw. We have to start making some changes.

Be well and do good. Pray for these families. If you’re not religious, put them in your thoughts. Above all, be kind and be gracious to your neighbor. I think we all could use a hug right now.

12/12/12

This isn't part of my daily challenge posts but I had to post it today because its 12/12/12!


What’s in a number?

I don’t know why, but I’ve been counting down the days till 12/12/12 since 11/11/11. I think that is when I realized that this Dec 12 would be the last consecutively repeating date until almost 100 years from now, which is a time I will probably not live to see. I don’t know why the importance of 12/12/12 has lingered inside of me. I kept thinking I would take of work, or do something memorable so that I could look back and be able to read the date 12/12/12 and associate it with something cool. But here I am, at work, about to head to Crossfit and then home by myself for an early dinner and then bed.

I wonder who was born today at 12:12 on this date? That’s pretty special.

I wonder who decided to get married. It’s a Wednesday, but someone just as crazy as me could’ve been dying to have that as their anniversary. Come to think of it, I wonder who got married on 6/6/6? That can’t be lucky.

We’re kind of obsessed with superstitions and associations in our society. Everyone wants to find meaning in the numbers. Maybe because math and numbers are so straight forward – they provide answers. Maybe that’s what we lack in trying to help us define our purpose, or existence. We yearn for concrete, definable answers. But for the most part, our answers come in vague and cryptic forms. Religion is filled with metaphor and symbolism. Our lives are seemingly a string of happenstance and coincidence. Are we really making these choices, or are we following a plan that is already set out for us?

I’ve tried desperately to attach meaning to this date, and maybe I’m joining a slew of others doing the same thing. But maybe we should stop trying to figure out the equation. Part of what makes life so special is that we don’t know the answers most of the time and we aren’t supposed to. The not-knowing and anticipating is what makes us get up every morning ready to face another day. We have the opportunity to have a new chance, a new experience, every single day.

That’s far more magical than any mystical equation or number.

Day Five:

Day 5: A Song to Match Your Mood

This one should be short and sweet. Although my mind is racing with a billion songs I could think of to match my mood right now, I need to narrow it down to one.

First, my mood: inspired, enthusiastic, charged, curious, refreshed. I guess these are all youthful qualities! Funny that I should feel that way at the end of a looong boring work day, but I guess I'm excited about going to my crossfit workout this evening and also about returning home to hopefully find a package containing our Christmas cards so I can start addressing and sending out.

Man that makes me sound old and boring. Quite the opposite of this song. Oh well.

Here's the song:


"Keep Your Heart Young" Brandi Carlile



My grandpa gave me a wheat penny and I kept it in my pocket

Had big plans in my backyard to build me a space rocket

Talked to my brother on a fake CB that I made from a tic-tac box

Packed my snowballs nice and tight and in the middle I put rocks



Don't trade in your tic-tac box for a ball on the end of the chain

And don't go spending grandpa's pennies buying into the game

You gotta keep your heart young

Don't go growin' old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young



Dad took the wheels off of my bike and he pushed me down a hill

But speed got the best of me and I took my first spill

That was back when alcohol was only used on cuts

Stung like hell so I jerked my leg and mama said it would give me guts



Don't trade in your tic-tac box for a ball on the end of the chain

And don't go spending grandpa's pennies buying into the game

You gotta keep your heart young

Don't go growing old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young



So take a picture of the one you love and put it in a locket

Go dig up your time capsule and the blueprints for your rocket

Keep in touch on a fake CB and that same old tic-tac box

Pack your snowballs a little less tight but in the middle: still put rocks



And keep your heart young

Don't go growing old before your time has come

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young



You gotta keep your heart young

Sometimes you don't die quick

Just like you wished you'd done

The love is a loaded gun

You've gotta keep your heart young

You can't take back what you have done

You gotta keep your heart young

Day Four:

Day Four: Your Parents


This one should be fun!

My parents – Jennifer and Andy

Yes, this is them.

First of all, let me just say- I think they did a wonderful job raising me and my sister. I’m not biased or anything. But seriously, they did a great job. I mean, look at us. I think we turned out pretty darn good.

Of course, most people can go on and on waxing poetically about their love for their parents, and frankly, that is one thing I can live with. We should all love and respect our parents. Hello! They gave us LIFE! I’m a little disturbed at people who don’t respect their parents. I would give anything to be able to repay my parents somehow for all that they have done for me, but I don’t know how I would ever be able to do that. And I think they know that in their hearts.

So here are some things that make my parents über special:

MOM

My mom is super creative! She doesn’t always acknowledge her own creativity, but I have seen her creative juices in action and it’s marvelous. She’s actually like me in many ways (even though it’s your own worst nightmare to admit you are, after all, just like your mother). I can be very creative but I have a frenzied mind and think of too many projects at once- end result being that not very many of them get done. Except when I was a teacher! I was good at seeing through all the ideas I had. So, yeah, my mom is a creative one. Here’s an example: my mom created the greatest summer camp ever when me and my sister were little. My friend Jenna and her little sister Courtney needed a place to go for the summer while their parents worked so, lo and behold, my mom offered up “Cool Kids Club Summer Camp” at our house. She didn’t just take care of us each day. No, no. My mom had it set up just like any other summer camp. We had field trips once a week. We had calendars to look at to count down to field trips. We had ample pool time. We had arts and crafts time. We had thematic weeks (one of them coincided with the summer Olympics of 1992 and involved our very own Olympic decathlon competition). We had Monday trips to the library, we had plays that we worked on and then showed at the end of summer, in a grand theatrical finale. We were little, so of course we didn’t appreciate the fact that my mom was WORKING through all this. She had activities planned, field trips scheduled. She made things available to us to paint with, draw with, write with, read, learn about, see, and do and make. But then she also gave us ample free time. She inspired creativity in us, as evidenced by all the many creative things we did that summer.

My mom is sweet, loving, a little quiet at times, and very smart as well. I think she may underestimate herself at times, both with her creativity and her brains. She tries new things all the time. When she was in her late 50s she decided to become certified to teach yoga. Then she held yoga classes at our house, outside on the back deck. I attended a couple – they were inspiring. She runs races. She dances. She and my dad are now into hiking. They go on a Sunday hike every weekend. She writes, she reads, she does all sorts of little projects. It’s fun to watch my mom get excited about new things. It keeps her young.

My mom turned 60 this year and we celebrated her birthday at our rehearsal dinner (yes, our wedding was the day after her 60th! What a busy weekend!) I can’t believe my mom is 60, and that is a good thing because she is staying young and vital and that is an inspiration to me.



DAD

Speaking of young…

My dad is the epitome of young at heart. My dad picked up wake boarding at the ripe old age of 50. Many of the teenagers out on the weekends would comment about seeing my dad out there rippin it up on the wakes. He loves to hang with the young people. My dad lives for ski vacations. He gets up at the crack of dawn and goes for bike rides while my mom runs. He spends hours tending to his garden.

When we were younger, Daddy was always so much fun. Whatever we did with him, we were going to have fun. I remember being very young and associating my dad’s car with fun times, and my mom’s car with going to day care. One day my mom had something that morning, so my dad was going to take me to day care. Of course in my mind I was in Daddy’s truck so we were naturally going to do something fun. I was all happy and joyful until the truck turned onto the street where my day care was and that’s when I knew things were not as they seemed. Shocked that I had been fooled, I reached out my hand, slapping it against his chest in an effort to get him to stop and then I yelled out, “No daddy! Back up!” Ok…so I don’t really remember much of this story, but this tale is one told by my dad all the time. It was such a momentous occasion because those were actually the first words I ever uttered. Not just a word even…a sentence! I guess the sense of urgency really made it all click in my brain. And that’s just how fun my dad is.

My dad also taught me some important lessons in life. One of them was to enjoy your time spent on this Earth. My dad may not have an investment account that is going to make us rich after he dies, but he’s provided my life with so many fun, wonderful, happy memories that I am richer than I’d ever be with all that money. He takes things as they come, the good and the bad, and he rolls with it. You have to if you’re going to stay young forever! Stress is what kills people and makes them old and cranky. And my dad is far from old or cranky. He’s seen some pretty rough times, but you would never know it when you were around him because he is always positive and upbeat.

He is up for anything and also, when I talk to him about stuff, he makes it seem like nothing is impossible. “Go for it!” is kind of his motto. He lives it every day and is also an inspiration to me.

I’m very proud of him. He started his own business and it has been very successful. He raised two smart daughters who are now married and doing things that hopefully make him proud. He is constantly improving himself, becoming healthier, more active, smarter, more interesting, more traveled, more cultured. And he has so much more he wants to do.

So those are my parents in a nutshell. There’s clearly a lot more to them than just those two paragraphs but that’s all I had time for and probably all you want to read about.

But here’s a thought – spend some time today thinking of all the things you love about your parents. Just writing about them today has made me happy.

Day Three:

Day 3: Your First Love

I've amended this entry due to the simple fact that love, current and past, is oh so complicated. That being said, I will comment on the idea of first love. I think first love, for many, is a confusing term. I would say that I had romantic feelings towards people starting back in high school but I'm not sure that was love. I thought it was, but now looking back at the many reincarnations of love and having seen the capacity for love that my heart is capable of, I wouldn't be so sure as to putting that label of "first love" on that time in my life. I know those whom I have loved, for they still reside in my heart, some taking up more space than others. They will stay there forever and that's why love is complicated and complex. Does that mean that my heart is too full and the amount of love I am capable of now is somehow diminished? Not in the least. It is hard on me though, and maybe that's why the older I get, the more emotional I become over things. It's just that the chords of my heart-strings have been so finely tuned that now I feel the pangs of love and love lost at any nostalgic reference that presents itself. So it makes me that girl who is sniffling through the movie, or the ballet, or the song. Oh well. Isn't that what makes life richer and fuller?

"It's better to feel pain then nothing at all, the opposite of love's indifference"-Lumineers 

 

So as to the topic of first love, I'd just like to state that each of these loves of my life have contributed to who I am today and I will keep them with me always. They've had a special impact on my life, and yes, at times I truly miss having them with me, but a universal truth to life is that everything, at some point, comes to an end. Same is true with every relationship. So you have to go on knowing how they have added to the richness of your soul and thanking the universe for putting them in your life for that moment in time.

That’s the beauty of looking back at your past relationships- you realize that, though they may not have worked out in the end, each one made you into the person you are now, and hopefully you are better off because of their contributions. You come into each relationship like a piece of clay, and these people you’ve trusted with your doughy self, they add to, or rearrange, or bend, or dent, or straighten, or mold you in a different way, each time making you more defined and whole.

Day Two:

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

Hello! I know I skipped a day…

Day two’s challenge is going to be a bit more complicated I feel.

Or perhaps it will not?

Where do I start? What’s in a name? A name is but a name…a rose is but a rose…if by any other name…is that how it goes?

This is a time when I feel like going to make a new cup of coffee. And that leads me to my blog name. “Someone Left the Coffee Pot On”.

I guess back when I started this blog I was kind of a caffeine fiend and that was mostly due to the fact that I was in the last year of grad school and the last part of grad school involved a lot of research and writing and presentations. So, I suppose my constant companion, Coffee, became like a close friend, and in light of that I named my blog after her. (She seems like a her, maybe because she makes me want to talk a lot, especially gossipy talk).

I wasn’t really sure where I wanted this blog to go, and to be perfectly honest, I’ m still not sure where this blog is headed. The only thing driving its direction right now is the need to keep up with this 30 day challenge. If there is one thing I’m good at accepting it is challenges. And flatulence. I have to accept that because I live with a man.

Now that I’ve got you here, intrigued by my talk of caffeine and flatulence, I want to speak for a moment on coffee. I feel a tiny discourse about the nectar of the gods is relevant due to its presence in the name of my blog. I’ll make it short though because I am, in fact, overdue for my second cup and one thing you must know about writing and coffee is that the two go hand-in-hand. Literally. I have one hand holding on to my coffee mug for dear life as I speedily type these words with the other one.

Coffee:

I’ve read somewhere that some of the oldest people in the world have drank a cup of coffee, or two, for all their lives. I like this idea, I think they are on to something. I know there is a whole faction of people out there who claim that caffeine wreaks havoc on your system, and that being dependent on a substance every morning is clinical addiction. But…there are some people who claim they can’t get through a day without starting it off with a smile and whistling a tune and no one ever bothers to call them out. And as far as actual harm to your body, there is no hardcore evidence to support that. I’m not saying it’s prolonging your life either. I’m just defending my friend, Coffee, for being exactly what it is. A friend. Someone who is there, with warmth and comfort and offering you a bit of pep in your step.

Thus concludes Day Two: Someone Left the Coffee Pot On. Answers to your deepest questions…why? Why?

Day One:

Day 1: Introduction, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

Hello there! My name is Andrea. Here is a recent photo of yours truly: 

This photo was taken in Costa Rica, at the Pacuare River Lodge. If you like adventure and nature and good friendly people, I highly recommend this place. It’s one of the most remote places I have been to. No roads lead to the lodge, it is only accessible via the river, and much of it is white water rafting. But anyway, I digress. This isn’t about Pacuare River Lodge now is it?

I am 30 years old and will turn the big 3-1 on December 6 of this year. Hey that’s in a few days! Yikes! 31 feels different. Last year I made a huge deal about what I was going to do on my 30th birthday and how it was going to be different from any other year and you know what? It was not any different. In fact it was a little uneventful. I went to work, a place where I had just started, and no one knew it was my birthday. And I brought donuts to share in the office but no one was there when I left them so no one really knew who had brought them in or why. And then I just felt weird going around telling everyone it was my birthday. Like, “Good morning! It’s my birthday by the way. Today. My birthday. And I’m the big 3-0. So… yeah. Just go ahead and be extra nice to me today, all day. Mmmkay?”

Oh geez I digress again!

Talking about oneself is never easy…

Maybe it will be easier just to list facts. Here are 15 of them. I feel like this is a magazine post. I feel famous. I’m excited.

1. I am a Sagittarius. That makes me a fire sign. This is a brief snippet about the Sag. I think it rings true somewhat:

“The Sag's philosophical, broad-minded approach to life motivates them to wander far and wide in the search for the meaning of life. Extroverted, optimistic, and enthusiastic, it can be almost impossible to keep the Sagittarian down. They love change. In fact, change is essential for this sign to feel their best.”

2. I just got married this past summer to a lovely man named Chris. That makes me feel a little grown up, and I still haven’t gotten used to that idea.

3. I was a competitive gymnast until age 14. I dropped out because of the intense training and also because I didn’t think I was progressing fast enough to make it to the Olympics. Sadly, in gymnastics, 14 is seen as pretty close to over-the-hill status.

4. I was Lieutenant of our Dance/Drill Team, the Lake Travis Cavalettes for my Junior and Senior year. I thought about trying out for Captain but didn’t because one of my best friends, Laura, whom I had shared this entire dance team experience with, had wanted that position so badly and it would’ve meant running against her. I wasn’t necessarily afraid of defeat, but I didn’t want the competition between us. It would’ve been cool to be co-captains but that wasn’t an option.

5. I hate people’s obsession with cell phones. I hate that people expect you to be reachable at all times and that we are ok with that. I hate that now cell phones have so much on them to entertain us that it totally disengages us from life. I think it might be one of the worst things to happen to mankind. Yes, I feel that strongly about it.

6. I studied abroad 3 separate times in college. Twice to Italy and once to London. Then I went back and traveled around Europe solo, spending much of that time working and living in Italia. I’m kind of obsessed with that place. I think their view of life is very refreshing. I wish I could’ve been born there.

7. I speak Italian. Parlo Italiano abbastanza bene. Pero, quando sono stata in Italia, molti anni fa, parlavo meglio di adesso. Adesso non parlo bene solo perche non ci sono molti italiani in Pittsburgh. Peccato. Ma, communque... Boh.

8. I’m also pretty good at picking up most other languages. Some may call me a linguaphile. I’m pretty sure I’ve been called that. I’m almost 95% sure that is an actual word.

9. I love animals. I have worked for animals shelters and also volunteered at the Humane Society. I am constantly conflicted, however, because I tried to be a vegetarian and I became anemic. So I continue to feel shameful whilst continuing to eat meat. It’s a vicious cycle and one that I really want to break.

10. I was a Kindergarten teacher. I actually have taught several other grades (mostly primary, preschool aged) but Kindergarten was my absolute favorite. I would still be a teacher now if it were not for the fact that Pittsburgh schools don’t hire new, non-union teachers. Or that’s my explanation to why I haven’t gotten a job in 2 years being here. Can’t wait to return to Texas or any other state that I will be able to work in. I miss it SOOOOO much!

11. I’m from Austin, Texas born and raised. How many people in Austin are actually natives? Not too many. I’ve seen it go through a lot of changes, that city, and I can’t say I’m digging the new Austin, but that’s what any old native would complain about.

12. I learned to sail when I was 11 years old. I sailed my first regatta when I was 12. I never won any because my boat would always flip over, being that I only weighed 80 pounds. The closest I got to winning was on a day that the wind was completely dead.

13. I love surprises and love being surprised. My dad spoiled me with surprises growing up. But that’s why he’s the best! My husband laments that the bar has been set way too high for him. He just has to learn how to jump higher. He was a high jumper in high school, after all.

14. I love physical activity…running, Crossfit, yoga, dance, biking, hiking…these are a few of my favorite things.

15. I can pretty much recite the entire move, Dumb and Dumber.



Ta da! Done with Day One! I’m on a roll!!!


Stay tuned for Day Two…hopefully I can crank it out. It might be hard these next few days what with meetings at work (my usual blogging location) or birthdays (two days…) but I’ll try my best!

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Ladies and Gentleman…


I promised two posts earlier that I would challenge myself to my very own Thirty Day Blog Challenge…what better way to kick start the practice of just getting there and writing a post. So, as promised, and only slightly delayed, here begins my 30 Day Blog Challenge! This is going to be fun! Before I begin, here is the challenge in all its glory.

Day 0: The 30 Day Challenge Explanation and Description

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3: Your first love

Day 4: Your parents

Day 5: A song to match your mood

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7: 5 Favorite movies

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

Day 11: Favorite TV shows

Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without

Day 13: Goals

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?

Day 15: Favorite quote

Day 16: Dream house

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

Day 19: Something you miss

Day 20: Nicknames

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?

Day 22: What's in your purse?

Day 23: Favorite Book

Day 24: Something you've learned

Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 26: Your Dream Wedding

Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in

Day 28: Something that stresses you out

Day 29: 3 Wishes

Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge